Well fuck.

The U.S. presidential election has come and gone. Trump is set to officially take office on January 20th. Democrats failed and lost, Trump won, fair and square and people around the country are in mourning, fearing what the next 4 years will hold for them. If you aline with the left or anything that isn't Trump and you happen to be queer or a woman like myself then you may have had the same reaction I did, sobbing in bed at 5 in the morning after checking the results first thing.

I would not be lying if I told you I thought it would be a good idea to either leave the country if you can or move to a predominantly blue or left-leaning area. Anywhere where you can feel safe. I know that is not a feasible option for so many folks out there so instead I'd say find communities within your areas where you can band together against any who try to tell you what to do with your body or seeks to do harm against you for merely wanting to exist.

Speaking of existing as a queer individual DO NOT let anyone tell you that you exist because of a disease in your brain or that our existence as a whole is a disease. They are WRONG. They will always be wrong. People who blindly follow people like Trump will always think these things, they will always spew these hatefully grotesque ideologies not because they are true or based on any real fact but simply because we are different from what they have deemed 'normal'. We do not conform to their view of what we 'should be'. If you aren't a straight cis-gendered white man with a wife and kids or a woman who's fine with the right to your own body be taken from you then all we will ever be in their eyes are a disease to be purged. A disorderly people who must be put back in our place.

Trump wants to impose a dictatorship. Trump seeks to take control of our government and bend it to the favor of those who surround him.

Trump is a fascist and he will bend our government till it breaks.

He may have won our presidency but he is not my leader.

For my Trans folks out there who may need diy hrt or to stockpile; 

HRT Cafe

A lot has gone down this past week and everything is stressful but remember to turn your phone off for a bit, see your family, and relax. Enjoy the holidays with your loved ones. We will have time to fight for our rights and for our existence.

Here is some poetry!

My Reality

I have a perfectly crafted reality.

Full of vivid colors and angelic sound.

Redolent smells of life fill it's crisp air;

and silken touch.

The most glamorous creations fill this wonderful space.

It is truly the most divine of beauties.

However, this reality is made of glass.

A brittle crystal ball in the palm of my eyes.

I must hold it with a fearless strength and gentle repose much as a parent holds it's child.

Else the glass crack and break.

As I treat it with grace those around me lack the ability to do the same.

They murder and pillage,

plunder others for their own selfish desires.

Consuming our fruit whole as gluttony and greed consumes them much the same.

Holding us all hostage as they fight their foolish wars.

Wars that are ultimately puny in the grand scheme of the cosmos.

They will hold us, while we wonder if they will ever see reason.

They will hold us, while we wonder if they will ever hear our pleas.

They will hold us not with the fearless and gentle strength of a mother or father, but with the harsh and fearful strength of a monster.

They will hold us. Until, inevitably, the glass breaks, and we all fall.

And here's some music;

Spotify     Youtube     Bandcamp

Pigs is Pigs

Mannequin Pussy

Stay safe, stay strong. <3

Bye for now.

Death

The term ignorance is bliss has always been a lie, at least in my mind. I have never seen anyone ignorant and happy. Most people are ignorant in some regard, myself most definitely included. I guarantee you none of them are happy. No matter how much people know, they will always have something to worry about.

I was 6 years old when I first had the idea of none existence. The feeling of simply not wanting exist at all. When I was 8 I had my first thought of death, of passing on from this mortal plane. O' what that must feel like. When I was 9 I had my first thought of killing myself, that the world would be better off without me in it. 

These thoughts have always permeated my mind. Even now I wonder what it would feel like to die.

To escape.

Life often gets so stressful and rarely does it feel like there are moments of peace. Like there is any time to sit down and relax.

I live in a perpetual cycle of thinking of death, worrying about dying and accepting it. My life is a constant state of these three feelings.

If you hadn't guessed it by now, I am clinically depressed with an anxiety disorder. I am unmedicated with no therapy, it takes a lot of effort to get up in the morning. I simultaneously fear death and want to die.

I am aware I will die eventually, this is the case for us all. But lately I have had a much different thought, not one of the gradual death we all experience but instead, I feel am going to die soon.

I feel the warm embrace of deaths cold body against me,

My insides twist and turn and I am thin.

Happy Holidays. Update post coming soon..

YouTube   Spotify   Last.FM

Despair Came Knocking

Daniel Johnston

December Update Post

Hi, long time no see. I had to think for a moment whether that term even applies to this but you do in fact have to see to even read this so I guess it does. Unfortunately I can't type in braille and have it be readable through a screen. Though, text to speech would work too.

Anyway hi, I haven't written here in a couple weeks. Most of my time is being spent going to work, coming home, watching Miraculous Ladybug, sleeping, repeat. Not a whole lot of interesting stuff, I know but hey, that's life. I have been trying to work enough hours to have money to pay the rest of my bills. (currently in $9 of medical debt, thank god for insurance, would have been $500 otherwise, plus the $200 I still have for rent.) while also having enough to buy worthy holiday gifts for my loved ones and still have enough left over to start saving. (college, unfortunately isn't gonna pay for itself). 

Life is just oh so...sooo fun. Real treat.

Ignoring my pessimistic outlook and struggle in life, and while I'm speaking of Miraculous.... My partner and I are about half way through season 5, reaally close to being caught up. Then I can finally look at Miraculous tags online without getting spoiled. Last time I looked on Twitter a month ago I got spoiled about something called 'Miraculous World'. No clue exactly what it's gonna be but I have been trying my best to forget it exist all together. Perhaps when we are all caught up I can write an opinion piece on this amazing hot garbage of a show. emphasis on amazing and garbage.

All I will say right now is that I full heartedly endorse this show, and I think everyone should watch a couple episodes. At least enough to really soak in the the plot Thomas Astruc is making.

Great stuff.

Moving on, I have only one bit of writing unrelated to all of this to share with you. Recently I went to a Suicidal Tendencies concert and had the pleasure of listening to some decent punk music while getting thrown around in a pit filled with, at one point, 6 sweaty shirtless middle aged men. Here is what I wrote: 

Push, Spin, Shove;

Push, Spin Shove,

Push, Spin Shove,

Push, Spin, Shove

In the eye of the storm,

Bodies push and spin past,

violently thrashing against each other,

The smell of old leather and

body odor permeates the air,

With a violent shove, my body is forced from tranquility.

Caught in the storm,

Push, Spin, Shove,

Push, Spin, Shove;

My mind leaves it's capsule as it hits the floor,

This lasts naught but a second

as my body is hoisted from the ground,

I am unwillingly shoved back into the storm,

Push, Spin, Shove,

Push, Spin, Shove,

Push, Spin, Shove;

Twirling and thrashing against its unbeatable force,

I am once again knocked to the floor,

All goes still, the world around me dissolving away

like background noise, ringing in my ears,

I am at peace,

At peace in a storm of body odor and assholes.

All these old dudes in the pit need to learn how to take a shower. I have never smelt a more rotten smell in my life. It's like everyone's body odor combined to form this twisted new scent that smells vaguely of death. Like someone had a stroke in the pit and unaware of this, the rest of crowd continued to body slam this corpse around the room till there was nowhere you could go to escape the smell.

That's it for now, Happy Holidays,

I leave you with this song:

  Spotify  LastFM  YouTube 

Song

Clown Core

Thank god the holidays are over.

See you soon, I'm off to work.

Thanksgiving '23

Laying in bed the night of Thanksgiving, my belly stuffed with food from two separate Thanksgiving meals, a bandage made of gauze wrapped in two bandaids—firmly but not too tightly—around my finger, and a sore hand with a story to tell. I am reminded of what Thanksgiving and moreover, the holidays as a whole really means to me.

    

I want to express what Thanksgiving started from; a celebration of the murder of countless Native American tribes at the hands of colonizers from many countries exploring the ocean, most famously Britain. And the theft of their land. Along with what Christians do with most religions, blending several different traditions from several different beliefs, some of them older than the belief of god as Christians know it, to form a “new” holiday.

That Thanksgiving is fucked. Plain and simply put, it is an ass backward holiday on the highest caliber of ass backward-ness.

The one I believe in, the one I celebrate is not the celebration of the white man's ability to steal, kill, and degrade. The holiday I celebrate is the one where all the people I have come to love and care for, my family. Both blood and self-described, come together to celebrate the old memories made before and the new ones made now, that will soon join the old, cherished forever in the countless retellings in the years to come. Spending time with family even if this means answering and dodging the same questions asked every year and putting up with that one relative that just says too many wrong and weird things. Or, funny enough getting bit by a dog that isn't your own for once.

Holidays are about the food. Enjoying beautifully immaculate hams, the most tender of tender porks, and the juiciest of turkeys, together. With crispy marshmallow-topped yams, the stuffiest stuffing with green beans, corn, and mash on the side, dripping with the brownest of gravies. Of course, who could forget the even more scrumptious desserts that I could go on and on about

Most importantly Thanksgiving is no longer a celebration of the blood spilt for this land but a day of remembrance and solidarity for those who had what was rightfully theirs taken in the most gruesome of manners. Although their history is lost, their land taken and their bodies buried. We remember what we can about what they have left behind and stand together with our families, having the biggest feasts in their name, in their honor.

Be thankful for what you have, it may just be taken one day by men blinded by power and greed.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving and thievery, I leave you with this,

The Air that I breathe

By The Hollies

             Spotify     YouTube     LastFM

The Air That I Breathe, was originally written by two musicians Albert Hammond and Mike Hazlewood in 1972. It was released by The Hollies, a 1970s psychedelic pop rock band in their 1974 self-titled album Hollies. Today it is one of their most popular songs. A song very in tune with what was popular for the 70s, it carried a very whining, echoed and frankly depressing sound—truly a beautiful song.

20 years later, in 1993 a blossoming rock band known as Radiohead released the album Pablo Honey, second in their tracklist, the song ‘Creep’ very quickly became their most popular song to ever be released, with over a billion listens on various platforms today.

Taking a listen to both songs with a trained ear, it becomes apparent that they undoubtedly have a very similar sound. They do not open the same nor do they close the same but without a shadow of a doubt, Creep, Radiohead’s most popular song sounds almost exactly like The Air that I Breathe. Cover bands on YouTube have released tracks of both songs mashed together and they fit together very very well.

According to a statement by Albert himself in 2002, the publishing company that held the rights for The Air I Breathe, Rondor Music, had decided that the similarities between the two songs were too great and sued Radiohead for copyright infringement. Radiohead acknowledged that they had in fact taken inspiration from the song and thus they were not sued to the point of losing their song. Instead, they came up with an agreement, Albert and Mike would get a part of the royalties for Creep as well as writing credits and Radiohead would keep their rights to the song.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Byee for now, I'll see you soon <3

Thank you B for reading over this and making sure it's good enough to post. <3

Electrically Charged Hurricane of Misery

 Laying in bed, my thoughts form a hurricane in my mind.

Who am I?

What will I do with life?

How long before I have no home?

How will I pay my bills?

These questions flash through my mind as

I contemplate the depressing idea that is getting older.

Responsibilities are inevitable.

Childhood ends and;

you have to leave the kids' table eventually.

As I am instilled with a deep fear for my future

I hear a familiar song from somewhere in the house, 

seeping through the walls, muffled in my room.

An important song from childhood,

once acting to mark the ignorant bliss of that era,

playing as if responding to my thoughts,

mocking my existential dread.

It’s a sweet electronic symphony of love

that makes my brain twinge

with a deep formidable melancholic feeling.

Closing my eyes, I dread tomorrow...

Faced with the possibility of no home,

it becomes easy to break one's back.

Looks like I'll be going back to the serving gig..

I leave you with this:

Electric Feel by MGMT

Youtube,         Spotify,         LastFM,

Although not originally an indie pop group, 

after the release of Ocular Spectacular

The album quickly became their most popular release,

And feeling the pressure to conform to their audience,

they unhappily pursued their fame through this genre.

Before abandoning it for the more

individual style of their previous work.

Spectacular Ocular remains one of their most

popular albums to date.

Despite Electric Feel being the centerpiece of this blog post,

like with Kieran Hebden's ⣎⡇ꉺლ༽இ•̛)ྀ◞ ༎ຶ ༽ৣৢ؞ৢ؞ؖ ꉺლ

music in the previous blog post, I would highly

recommend checking out MGMT’s other works like their

2005 album Time to Pretend and their 2018 Little Dark Age.

Both fantastic albums, filled with very unique

and distinct sounds of beautiful sadness and melancholic joy.

Byee for now, I'll see you soon <3

p.s. Was gonna post this tomorrow but I had it now and to be frank,

I don't actually care about posting at "optimal times" for interaction.

Post whenever!! B)